The Rocky Horror Picture Show: 1975

Release date: September 26, 1975 (USA)
Director: Jim Sharman
MPAA rating: R
Running time: 100 minutes
Sequel: Shock Treatment

(Note: If you don't care about recent developments regarding "Cult Classic Theater", skip this paragraph.")

   Finally! After almost a year of writing, I have summoned the strength to tackle the strange and misunderstood realm of film known as, "cult classics." I would be remiss,  if I did not look into such a genre in the time that I have dedicated towards building upon this blog. To be honest, I never really understood what it meant, "Cult Classic." What I mean is, I never really understood it when coming up with the name for the blog. I thought it would just be a nice sounding name to call a hobby. At the time, I never really gave the title's meaning much thought. Now that I know, I feel rather stupid when recalling previous conversations with others. "So what do you like to do with your free time, Albert?" "Well, I like to review horror films on a blog I have called 'Cult Classic Theater'. The reason that I have brought up this inconsistency, is because I have been thinking about changing the title of the blog. I have recently introduced this website to a friend who will be, from now on, reviewing films with me. Look for "2001: A Space Odyssey" in a bit. That's all I really have to say, so now, here's "The Rocky Horror Picture Show"

   Directed by the strange and wild Jim Sherman, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" is a musical about a couple that wander into a mansion after their car breaking down to use their telephone. This is the only part in the film that isn't strange. What is strange, comes after they are let inside. Now, what I should remind you, is that up until this point the pacing for the film has been very...regular. A couple, different from the one in the story that we follow, is married. After we see that they come out of the chapel awaiting the guests that are ready to shower them with rice and praise, we are to assume that these are the characters that we will be following. This, however, is not true. It is instead false foreshadowing for stranger events to take place. After the bride and groom leave the scene, we are introduced to Brad Majors (Barry Bostwick) and Janet Weiss (Susan Sarandon), who sing the second song. 

   I liked the song very much, and I figured that this being the very first official song of the film, that it would establish the mood for the rest of the movie. It did not. It in fact, the mood became increasingly stranger until the conclusion of the film. And you also become increasingly uncomfortable while everything is happening around you because you cannot stop it. You cannot stop Brad and Janet from going to the mansion, and then entering the mansion and by extension their demise. And when it's finally over you know you can't un-watch anything. You saw it and you can never again say, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Never heard of it!" But this is where it gets interesting. Because once you finish the film, you come out of the theater or your living room as either one person or another. You either hated this movie, or you really liked it. And...what the @#!*% , I really liked this movie!

   I really did! And it wasn't that I connected with the film  on any level whatsoever, but it was that somebody was actually allowed to make this film! It took a lot of guts to film what awhile ago would have been identified as un-filmable. It's like if you were to take a look inside of any one's mind while they were daydreaming alone in a closet with the door shut and the lights out...under the covers...and under a bed. Don't ask me how you would do it, because it probably couldn't be done. Just ask how okay you would have to be with yourself to film it! And one of the reasons that some people don't particularly enjoy the film is because they aren't okay with themselves and what their mind does when they are alone. Some people are too old, and others need some foundation in a film. That's another thing too; the plot is just frightening. And I'm not saying that in the sense that things in the film are scary (there are many scary things in the movie), but I'm saying that the plot is driving on a dangerous path. I'll try to explain this the best that I can, but you really need to see the film in order to understand where it is I'm coming from. 

   Pretend that you and your family are all in one car driving to your uncle Joe's house simply for the purpose of auctioning his used lawn chairs and broken china to his only neighbor's pet dog and cat. Pretend that you were the only one in the car that didn't know that this was what you were doing when you got to your Uncle Joe's place, and you simply thought that you were paying him a visit. Pretend that your Uncle Joe's house is precariously placed on the very top of a steep cliff. Pretend that you figured it would only take you an hour to get from the bottom of the cliff to the top of the cliff, but it actually took three hours. Now pretend that the music on the radio in the car you were in was really good, but your family wouldn't stop talking long enough for you to actually listen to it. Pretend that your car starts swerving because your going so fast you can't see anything. Pretend that the cliff around you begins falling off, and now everyone in the car is wearing fishnet stockings, and wearing funny hats, and singing and although you judge that they are singing well you cannot tell what it is they are singing about and you just want an explanation of what's happening around you and you try to ask a question but no-one can hear you and now pretend you are suddenly at the house and everyone in the car simultaneously tells you at the same time that the reason that you are at your Uncle Joe's house is to auction his used lawn chairs and china to his neighbor's pets. And now your thinking to yourself, "Should I freak out right now? Or, should I accept these events that are now unfolding before me?" And that, is to me what, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" feels like. It's a train wreak you can't take your eyes off of, but you have a feeling that there was a reason that the train had to crash and you just don't know why. 

   The Rocky Horror Picture Show is riddled with shocking visuals, that put you at the edge of your comfort zone. The music is very well composed (in my opinion), and there is room for interpret-ability when it comes to the meanings of those songs, and even the film in general.  I can't really stress how much you have to see this movie. Who knows? You might hate this movie so much, that you'll never be able to look at Tim Curry ever again. But maybe you'll like it, and if you do you're not alone. Even today there are extra screenings of the film in select theaters. People dress up as there favorite characters, and sing along with the movie. If that sounds fun to you, try looking to see where the next screening will take place, and bring your friends. You just might have some fun. After all, it's true what they say, "You may have seen many movies, but you've never seen anything like 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'." 

   7/10

Next Review: A Charlie Brown Christmas 1965

Dracula vs. Frankenstein: 1971

 

   Alright, no more stalling any longer.  I know that I've been cutting back on the content in my reviews after, "The Phantom of the Opera".  But no longer!  This time I'm going to go back.  Back to when I took a week to write reviews and it was worth it.  I'm really sorry to those of you reading, so think of this review as my apology to all of you.  For this review I've picked something I'm really going to hate for a reason.  The same reason I picked, "Santa Clause Concurs the Martians" so for this film I'm only really curious as to how bad it really is.  I hope you'll enjoy the torture I'm about to go up against in today's review of, "Dracula vs. Frankenstein", and as always, enjoy.

   What can you say about cross-over’s?  It’s the guilty pleasure of the American film addict.  Many crossovers from around the world have experimented on their pop culture icons colliding as well.  To note a few, "Freddy vs. Jason", and basically 90% of the Godzilla franchise.  However, where Godzilla movies were looser with teaming and pitting their characters together, this crossover is a very difficult and delicate procedure.  Great time and effort would have to be spent to create the battle between two of the most beloved horror icons in America.  The era that they tried to accomplish this in was the 70s, and they failed miserably at all of them.  This movie in particular is the more famous one.  However, while in production, this film wasn’t necessarily meant to have Dracula or Frankenstein in it.  In fact, they were added in after they started shooting!  Anyway I'm writing today to tell you what I think of,"The Kings of Horror Battling to the Death"!

   We open in Oakmoor Cemetery, where we see someone, or something stealing a body from a grave.  This scene is really dark (as in I can’t see anything), and I'm surprised that the actors could even act in such lighting.  The park ranger (or in this case,"grave ranger") hears something, and goes outside to meet face to face with...Dracula! And he's got a fro! Wait, what?  Hold on!  Stop the review!  Here's a little Vampire 101 for you.

Vampire 101

1.     Dracula is Hungarian (unless Zandor Vorkov is Hungarian)

2.     Dracula has no super strength, therefore he cannot grave rob single-handedly

3.     Dracula doesn't have a fro!

   Its like instead of telling his barber to give him, "the usual" he says to him, "surprise me".  Well Dracula, you've certainly surprised me!  The next scene shows a young woman walking barefoot in the fog at night, with some very strange lighting for...wherever she is.  We see a couple of tombstones the farther she walks, and then...SHE GETS DECAPITATED!  Wait, why was she outside in the first place?  Why was she barefoot?  Why would someone go out in the fog to walk through a graveyard?  Do you find this quaint?  Because it isn't!  Do you know how many people there are who would agree to me asking, "Hey there!  Do you want to take a walk with me outside, at night, barefoot, in a cemetery, where there are probably people that get there before you waiting with an axe to kill you?"....you'd actually be surprised but that's beside the point!  After this gruesome decapitation, we are addressed to the other writer who thought that this was a completely different movie!  

   We go from a beheading by an axe murderer, to the beginning of the 70's musical.  One of the performers, Ms. Fontain has a sister that was reported missing.  We cut to a fair where we see that a,"freak show" is one of the establishments residing there.  A young couple pays a small person a dollar to go inside...and he eats it.  This is not a typo, he eats the dollar.  I guess it’s to show how, "freaky" he is but he's only small!  That's it! You’re telling me that he is one of the freaks?!    That’s.....just......depressing.  The couple goes inside and they watch a bunch of unexplained weirdness, and one of them is played by Lon Chaney Jr.!  Unfortunately he doesn't have any talking roles, and even worse, this was his last movie he ever starred in.  We also meet another character who owns the Freak show, Dr. Durray, who also starred in "House of Frankenstein", as Dr. Frankenstein's assistant.  Unfortunately this was also his last role as an actor as well!  The couple walks out of the exhibit and away to get ready for a seminar for something.  

   Meanwhile,  the Doctor and Groton, played by Lon Chaney Jr. prepare to experiment on a young woman....the very same woman that was decapitated in the cemetery!  We see that the doctor has managed to ...um...re- capitate her head to her neck.  He talks to Groton about making a serum from her blood, because if you survive getting your head cut off, you now have super special blood.  So, the doctor injects Groton with what I think is the young woman's blood, but nothing seems to change about Groton.  Only, the doctor acts like the serum worked!  Anyway Groton heads outside to the pier.

   After Groton leaves to kill more people wandering outside, the Doctor is visited by Dracula.  Now, I've gotten past the fro by now, however, Dracula speaks...like the green head from The Wizard of Oz.  I don't know...just listen to this:

  It looks like he's bored playing the role already, but also sadistic as he does it.  Oh, and if you’re wondering, "does he always talk with an echo?", then yes.  Yes he does.  We find out that Dr. Durray is the last of the Frankenstein's.  And while they are talking, Dracula can’t stop blinking.  Bela Lugosi would never do that!  However one thing Lugosi doesn't have is a hypno ring that shoots fire! Wow...I honestly didn't expect that Dracula would carry something like that.  So, we see that the doctor and Dracula are willing to strike up a deal, which is the doctor’s serum in exchange for the body of Frankenstein's monster.  We cut to Groton taking a nice long stroll on the beach with his axe.  The stars are out, the waves are calm, and there's another young couple making out on the sand....Wait!  Watch out!!!  ...Too late.  We then cut to the protest the other couple at the fair were talking about going to.  From what I can tell the protest is ...just a plot device to see them get murdered.  Inside of a club, Ms. Fontain is sitting at a table when a man drugs her.  She starts to take a trip, while the music plays backwards.  I'm starting to wonder if the writers for this film were taking the same thing she was.  But for a movie made in the 70's, there's really no wonder that a scene like this would appear here.  We cut to back at the lab where the doctor is experimenting with an exploded potato.  It looked like this:

                              

  Wait, why does the potato have a bull cut?  And on a completely unrelated note, where's Frankenstein's monster?  It's been a half an hour and we haven't................oh my.  OH MY.  NOOOOOOO!  Why movie?  Why?  Why desecrate Boris Karloff's image that started his career like that?  He looks like a baked potato that you would serve to somebody you hate!  He looks like a mutant mushroom!  He looks like the dried remains of somebody in a cake batter fight!  You know, I wonder how the actor feels to be under all of that make up.  Or better yet, I wonder how he agreed to this job offer.  Actually I know; they showed him this poster:

   Now that's what I want to see!  However, the majority of the time, the artist for the cover of books and sometimes movies don't actually watch or read the movie or book they're making the title for.  This might be the same case here, where the cover artist might have thought the same as us by thinking, "Wow!  "Dracula vs. Frankenstein"?  That sounds awesome!  Time to make a cover that will capture the incredible magnitude of these grades A monsters duking it out!".....Okay, so maybe he/she wasn't thinking that exactly, but I'm sure there was some excitement.  

Now let’s just calm down a second.  I know what you want to see.  Yes!  Dracula and the Frankenstein monster battling!  Let’s skip to that, shall we?  

(One viewing later)

   It’s not worth it.  None of it is.  The whole movie is a waste.  Do you really want to know what happened?  Well here it goes:  The actual fight starts outside, and it’s not really clear as to why they are actually fighting.  Heck, they’re not even fighting!  It’s just a struggle until they move from the building to the forest and when they get there you can’t see a thing!  At one point I could make out Dracula tearing the monster's arms off.  Wait!  Shouldn't it be the monster doing that to Dracula?  Why?! Why?!

Conclusion:  Well that's it!  I can't do it!  This was a thoroughly bad movie, from start to finish.  The acting is bad.  The tone they are trying to set is indefinable.  The casting is terrible. This movie will leave a bad taste in your mouth if you watch it! My hopes for a good horror icon crossover film has been dashed away, and the fact that this was made sets a good cross over film back about twenty years.  But, you know what?  Even though an actual movie hasn't been made yet, the battle between these two icons have lasted all throughout their actors carriers.  Boris Carloft, who played the monster, and Bela Lugosi, who played Dracula.  These two films were both released in the same year of 1931, and gave the actors playing the roles their career.  Ever since their pairing up on the big screen, they've been battling to be better than each other.  This movie never had and never will come close in emulating this epic battle!  I'm not even going to cast this in the same place as, "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians"!  I'd go as far to say that I would put this in the category below it!  And I cannot even fathom what that category would be titled as.  Well, I guess I didn't go in for this movie thinking that it would be executed like this, but I sure as @#!*% hoped something like it would be remade the way I wanted it to be made.  I suppose that's kind of selfish, but I can’t possibly be the only human who actually wants to see this!

   

I can't be.    


            Guess I'll never figure that one out...

Verdict

I give this "film" 1 Frank Zappa Dracula out of 10

Watch this one if you dare...

(The next three reviews will be gorilla based.  Why, you ask?  'Cause  I wanna, that's why!)

Next Review: The Ape Man  1943 

      

Frankenstein: 1910

    Note:  I want to talk about something regarding a change in plans.  If you didn't already know, this is my tenth review and as such I want to alter the way I post my reviews.  My plans are to, after every ten reviews, to switch from reviewing horror movies, to reviewing science fiction films, and so on.  I'm going to experiment with this for awhile, and see how everything works out.  Thank you for your patients.

   It's my tenth review, and this time we're going all the way back to 1910!  Enter:  Frankenstein, the first of its kind, based right off of its predating novel by author Mary Shelly.  It was filmed in three days at Edison Studios, and written and directed by J. Searle Dawley.  You can actually find a 2010 public release of the film with remastered footage.  (It was once claimed to be a lost film.  And now, I present to you, my review of the original theatrical release of, "Frankenstein".

   "Frankenstein leaves for collage".  These are the first words you see.  Immediately I'm hysterical because usually I mistake the monsters name to be Frankenstein, and not the doctor who built him.  But obviously they are referring to the monsters maker, because he hasn't yet obtained his doctors degree.    In some cases I'm against this kind of thing, but the remastered music is very helpful with identifying the tone of the film.  

   We see that Frankenstein has written a letter from collage to his sweetheart.  Here is what the letter said, "Sweetheart, Tonight my ambition will be accomplished.  I have discovered the secret of life and death and in a few hours I shall create into life the most perfect human being that the world has ever known." (Boy, is he in for a surprise)  "When this marvelous work is accomplished, I shall then return to claim you for my bride.  Your devoted, Frankenstein."  

   The music seems surprisingly cheerful, but this is good because, when the suspenseful music comes around, it will seem more suspenseful by comparison.  So, we get our next title card (that's been remastered as well as the music) that reads, "Instead of a perfect human being, the evil in Frankenstein's mind creates a monster.  There is a surreal quality towards silent movies that I truly admire, and I look forward to reviewing films like this whenever I can.  Frankenstein, mixes allot of explosion-prone materials into a cauldron.  It's fascinating how you see the monster take form.  You really have to see it to understand how cool it is.  

   Our next title card says, "Frankenstein appalled at the sight of his evil creation". So, it turns out he didn't mean for his creation to be evil.  I wonder if this is teaching that playing god is risky business.  I’ve also noticed that you don't have any dialog cards, it just explains what’s happening every once in a while.  So, we get a glimpse at the monster, and to be honest, he looks different.  Granted he's the first design of the monster, but I wonder why they took every stock image from the universal version.  It must have been allot more popular than this one.  

   Anyway, after his encounter with the monster, Frankenstein returns home, and supposedly tells his family of what he saw.  And then, the monster shows up in his home!  I'm not going to say anything about that, it's too preposterous...... but not impossible.  It leaves just in time for someone else to show up (it's almost comedic, like the monster is trying to drive him insane).  But he sees his reflection and, you reason with him.  He sees how frightening he looks and in that sense, a small shaft of humanity shines through.  

   The next scene shows Frankenstein getting married.  The monster shows up and, after some confrontation, disappears because,"He was foiled by the power of love!”  There is a scene where Frankenstein walks in front of a mirror and sees that his refection replaced with the monster, and there is a definite meaning to that.  It's like his personality is the main ingredient to his monsters creation, and that even love can shine in the most hallowed of places.  Wow, this film is deep.  And it's also over at this point.           

In Conclusion:  I never thought that such spectacularity, and yes that is a word.......in my dictionary, could be packed into just 12 minutes and 42 seconds!  So, for a film and a review, it was pretty short, and I apologies for that, but that's how long most films were in 1910.  Now I can believe it was made in three days.  But I enjoyed this very much, and with all silent films they never cease to amaze me.  I believe that silent films are an acquired taste, and to those who enjoy that taste, I respect you.  If you haven't tried a silent film yet, let this film be your first (or if not this one, then, "Nosferatu", because that one is classic).  Follow this blog to get in on more silent goodness and more!  Also if you would like to watch, "Frankenstein": 1910 go to the bottom of this review.  Don't forget to let me know of your reactions of this review.           

I give this film 4 PhD's out of 5

Thank you,

   Albert Dubin

  

        Next Review:  Santa Clause Conquers The Martians 1964